I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
