woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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