If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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