why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
