Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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