it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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