He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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