but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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