Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
