margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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