I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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