I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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