dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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