He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
