here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
