I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
