I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
