i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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