My boss' voice literally gives me gas
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my liver is dry heaving
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
