i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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