sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
