She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
