I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
