My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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