why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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