i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
