fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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