It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
