ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
