They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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