i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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