I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
