I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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