He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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