you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
