dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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