It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
