I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
