It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
