he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
