but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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