she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
