For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
