Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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