So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
