This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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