I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
