Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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