In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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