a queef is a wish your heart makes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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