I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
