I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
