i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
please don't ironically join a cult
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