I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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