I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We got so high we made milksteak
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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