you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?