Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.