just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.