ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?