He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.