oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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