i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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