How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
