I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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