that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
